I DO NOT END JOY

Today is  my 10,223rd day on earth. Sana araw nalang ang binibilang at hindi year. It's nice to reflect on the year that was pero wouldn't it be nicer kung ia-appreciate ang buhay through the times we have/had in a day? Everyday we change, minsan hindi lang natin napapansin. We change through the people we meet, the things we do or even what we think about. Sometimes a candy wrapper can change our perspective, a good movie can change our future, a simple chat with someone or madalas a simple smile can change our whole being.


Everytime I go online at maisipan i-browse ang mga past vids and records, bumabalik ako sa mga panahon na habang ginagawa ko yun and madalas feeling ko andun talaga ko, nararamdaman pa rin yung nararamdaman ko sa mismong moment na yun. Genuine happiness down to extreme sadness up to the point of super-duper craziness. Minsan natatawa ko kasi mukha pala ko tanga sa video na ito o sa record na yun at tinatanong ang sarili ko "what was i thinking?". I could go so, so crazy at nasabihan pa ko sa isang video ko na "nabuang na!" pero ang sarap isipin na may napatawa ako sa kabila ng lahat ng pag-kamukhang timang ko at kabaliwan. Palagi ko naman sinasabi "okay lang akong magmukhang tanga" at hindi ko naman ikinahihiya yun hahaha. Siyempre some people would hate you to pieces but who cares? Those are just words and thoughts na sa kalaunan ay makakalimutan mo rin na sinabi sa'yo at inisip sa'yo. There are so much in things in life na pwede i-celebrate and today I don't want to celebrate those bad things kahit na halloween na hehe.


I feel a lot older when I count my life through days. Parang ang dami lang masarap balikan at pwedeng i-celebrate araw-araw. Hindi mo kailangan maghintay ng another year para lang magkaroon ng babati o maghahanda ng masasarap na pagkain just to say na "Hey! It's your day today, Happy Birthday!" Gusto kong sabihin na, everyday I celebrate my life, hindi lang halata pero yes, I celebrate pain, frustration, new job, nice thoughts, people, friends, the work i accomplish, laughter, song, kahit pati ang peklat na nakukuha ko sa mga katangahan ko, adventures, places, pati ang mga napapanood ko sa HBO hahaha. Call me anything you want, tibo, mababaw, walang pakealam, grumpy, kalog, mataray, tabachoy, tamad, cute?! haha, brat, panget, cool, any names, it's me, in a day i could be any of those names but at the end of the day, before I sleep, I thank the Lord for making me such a wonderful-crazy-alien-person hahaha. Pag-naiisip ko na may napatawa ako or napa-smile man lang. Happy na ko. Pag-naiisip kong may natarayan na naman ako, I feel sorry. Pag-naiisip kong may natulungan ako, I feel blessed etcetera etcetera. Life is just like that. Random, hindi fixed, para hindi stagnant, para exciting, para may spice dahil kung hindi ganon, walang halaga, walang kulay, walang kwenta... tae kumbaga!


I maybe so emotional sometimes dahil sa mga milyong-milyong naiisip ko sa isang araw pero reflection lang iyon ng mga frustrations and dreams ko sa buhay. Parang pag-ihi at pag-tae lang, kailangan mong gawin dahil kung hindi mamatay ka. Tama naman diba? At ayokong mamatay kaya inilalabas ko, ayokong magka-UTI at bumaho ang hininga ko hahahaha.


Hindi man ako ganoon katino, well masasabi ko naman na masaya ang buhay ko. Dahil pinipili kong maging masaya. Minsan nga lang sobrang lungkot pero sakto lang para sa isang taong katulad ko na mag-isa at walang pamilya. I solve my problems with my own power and on my own terms, I ask for guidance from the One upstairs and I'm grateful coz He never let me lose my way kahit na kung saan-saan ako nagsusu-suot madalas. I'm proud of myself and what I have become kahit walang mga magulang. Drama!!!! nyahahaha.


I don't have to wear stilettos just to make me feel tall or make my feet look pretty. I don't have to wear pricey and fancy jewelries to make me look richer. Drive a nice car to make me cooler. Be with the most gorgeous and wealthy guy to make me a beauty queen or starve myself or go out in a skimpy outfit to make me look sexy.  I am not that kind of person. Yes, I have a Mac pero nagagamit ko for my racket and important things for my work and not so important things like social networks et al. With all the newest iOS and smartphones that are out, I still enjoy my i-Phone gen1 hahaha. I'm comfortable in jeans, shirt and chucks. I don't comb my hair, yes, I don't, obvious ba? hahaha. I smoke, yes I know it's bad, but you're not the one who's gonna die?! duh?! hahaha kidding. I put some make-up on but not religiously. I buy some expensive stuff because I need them and I want them nyahahaha. I spend money for my adventures and I don't need to explain this. I know how to celebrate my money's worth and that is 'Enjoying LIFE'. Period.


I don't sleep on time, because time does not exist hahahaha. I don't read "How-to's" sort of kind of books because I like figuring out things in me on my own. Feeling ko kasi masyado silang maimpluwensya at tinuturuan akong maging HINDI ako. Nakakatulong siguro sa iba, pero sa'kin parang nakakaligaw ng tunay na IKAW hahaha ang labo ko. Yes, I learn through other people's thoughts, other people's mistakes, other people's success, other people's problems because I like observing other people. I like reading people. They're gestures, how they talk, how they think, how they eat, how they laugh, how they feel about certain things. In that way, I feel closer to knowing them more and then see If I can be a friend to them or more. I speak to people and I look them in the eyes. Maganda, o masakit man ang sinasabi ko wala akong pakealam. I am mean, aminado naman ako. Not just to other mean people pero even to my closest friends. Pero kahit na madami na kong nasaktan sa katabilan ng dila ko at kasamaan ng ugali ko. I'm glad to know and to think that those people are still with me because no matter how hard I could be, they know that they're my friends and I likewise to them, salbaheng friend nga lang hahaha. I'm thankful kasi they see me true and they accept me despite of my occasional moodswings. :)))


Ergo, life with me is bumpy. I'm happy to see people taking that rough ride too, enjoying every single bittersweet taste of my nerve-racking/rocking attitude hahahahaha. Tinutulungan nila ko araw-araw para mahanap ang 'magandang buhay' na tinatamasa ng lahat ng nilalang. Sa mahigit na sampunglibong araw na nakita kong sumikat ang araw at lumubog ang buwan, bumagyo, lumindol, kainin man ng isang malaking dinosaur ang earth balang araw. Iisa lang ang buhay na ito, kaya hangga't busy pa yung dinosaur kainin ang ibang planeta, i-enjoy natin ang buhay kahit na sa gitna ng sakuna. Magpasalamat kasi buhay ka pa, kahit wala kang paa o hindi ka makakita. Okay lang ma-depress once in a while walang pipigil sa'yo basta siguraduhin mong hind ka magpapatalo sa binubulong ng lubid sa harap mo, wag mong gawing necklace dahil ang baduy niyan. Okay lang daw mamroblema sa pera dahil yung iba nga hindi pa nakakahawak ng 1000 pesos sa tana ng buhay nila kaya wag mong isiping swimming pool ang semento pagnasa 100th floor ka, kasi panigurado ang pangit mong patay niyan, basag-basag mukha mo.

Sa madaling salita, hindi matatakasan lahat ng nakakapagpabagabag sa'tin (ulitin mo nga yan ng 10X?! hahahaha) Isipin mo nalang birthday mo palagi para everyday may reason to celebrate. Ikaw ba? ilang libong araw na ba ang inilagi mo sa mundo? Tsk. Masyadong marami yan para itapon lang sa wala. Kaya, tara!!! Let's celebrate! Ako manonood ng concert ng isa pang crazy-adorable man mamaya.hoh my god! I'm super-duper excited!!! :)))


Happy longweekend para sa mga normal na tao, kami kasi walang ganyan-ganyan hehe.

Yun na! Magandang umaga bayan!!!

THE SOSYAL NETWORK

Excluded Middles

By AVERILL PIZARRO

October 26, 2011, 2:51am

I recently shut down my Facebook account. This is partly for pragmatic reasons: doing so has saved me a lot more time for work and leisure reading.

It is partly for security reasons: like most people, I live with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and am in constant fear of creepy strangers looking at my bikini photos.

I do not regret it. Getting rid of my Facebook account has liberated me from the bondage of constantly keeping up with my peers. I no longer know where everyone else is going and with whom and what they are doing there, and I no longer feel bad or uncool about not being there too.

It has also saved me the trouble of trying to find good photos of myself to post, and evaluating my self-worth on the number of likes or comments that it gets, with extra credit if the comment or like is from a really good-looking guy.

I still have friends, still go out and have fun, and occasionally still meet good-looking guys, but I no longer make any public announcements of my activities after the fact. For the most part, life has been made much simpler.

I feel like I have become more myself.

One of my smart friends told me that the lightness I am experiencing is due to the fact that I’ve given up keeping up with our image-obsessed culture — this world we live in that is so saturated in external gestures, performance, branding.

Each gesture has a corresponding label: using an eco-bag makes you an environmentalist, quoting philosophers makes you an intellectual, having 3000 friends on Facebook makes you popular, and wearing a Louis Vuitton purse makes you sosyal (Is there an English equivalent that properly captures the essence of the word?) — even if it means, as the old saying goes, spending money we don’t have, to buy things we don’t need, to please people we don’t even like.

We take all these externals, post them on the internet, and build our identity upon it — when in reality, they are all just projections, speaking volumes about what we do (or try very hard to seem like we do), but little about who we are.

People used to keep photo albums with actual printed photographs, and they would store them and have them accumulate dust and then dust them off and look at them with fresh eyes, because back then it was about the photos, not about the comments people made about them. The value was in the substance of the photos, not in the branding that they provided.

Not so now. The idea of intrinsic value is lost on us; the idea of being is alien to us. We have been reduced to statement shirts and popular (or even indie) music, to Friday nights out in the right places with the right people.

And when there are no statement shirts to wear, no popular music to listen to or say bad things about, no clubs and cool company to be with on the weekends, we are nothing. We have no identity apart from the image of ourselves that we project.

Ours is an impoverished generation that cannot deal with silence or solitude. We do not find value in having photographs and nobody to show them to.

We cannot operate without knowing that we are being watched; we affirm our value only insofar as we get attention from an audience. We are incapable of sitting with our naked selves and being comfortable in our own skin.

We are always striving, always projecting, always putting on another layer of externals, always trying to seem smarter or cooler or richer, that at the end of it all, we end up empty, and lost, and lonely.

Manila Bulletin